Monday, November 13, 2017

What is "normal"?


"Normal" for a cancer family becomes a very relative term. "Normal" can mean vomiting every day or not pooping for many of them.  "Normal" can mean rushing out for random food requests at 1:00 in the morning, and wiping sweat from a sleeping brow. And in"normal" even bad news can seem like good news.

This week in the hospital has been filled with many things that all the doctors and nurses are calling "normal", but it has been no where close to the normal that we want.  In fact, some of this week has been utterly traumatizing, if I'm being completely honest.

If you have not seen on our Instagram or Facebook pages, Hazel began to experience some pain in her back, near her tumor site, after only a day discovering her relapse.  By last Saturday, her pain was unbearable and unmanageable.  We were prescribed an oral pain medication, in hopes of handling it at home, but it came nowhere near touching it.  Sunday morning, after a completely sleepless night, Hazel vomited and was barely able to move.  The doctor requested that we bring her in for assessment in the ER.

While in the ER, Hazel has two doses of IV morphine, and still was in so much pain.  It was terrible to watch.  All I could do that would bring her any comfort, was hold her in my arms, trying to take the pressure off her back, and rock her side to side. Since her pain was clearly not able to be managed, we were admitted by that afternoon.

Hazel was put on a continuous drip of morphine, and it took us several days to find a dose high enough to make her comfortable, but even then, she was having breakthrough pain, and itchiness as a side-effect from the medication which just added to her discomfort.

One of the biggest concerns was that the pain was caused by the tumor growing, and possibly compressing her spinal column.  Monday, she was scheduled for an MRI, with sedation, to get a closer look at her spine, however, just as we were, most uncomfortably, getting in the wheel chair, I felt Hazel was burning up.  We took her temperature, and her fever was above 103℉.  For fear that this was caused by an infection in her port, the doctors did not feel safe pushing a bunch of sedation medication through her line, possibly spreading that infection to the rest of her body.  She had already not been eating all day in preparation for this scan, and being told that at 3:00pm it was all for nothing, was pretty devastating for a six year old girl.

But since her pain was still so great, they did not want to push the scan back, and asked if she would be willing to try it awake.  She has done many of her scans awake, so after some anxiety reducing conversation, she finally agreed to do it.  However, it wasn't until after 9:00pm that they finally could take us down, and the waiting wasn't good for her already high anxiety.

We got down to the machine, and the sounds and enclosed space made Hazel absolutely terrified.  They had noise cancelling headphones, and VR goggles to watch a movie, but nothing helped.  They put her in for only a minute, and she screamed in panic.  I asked if there was any way that I could sit on the bed with her, holding her hand, and the technician said the only way I could do it, was if I laid at her feet.  So, up I went, stomach down on the bed, arms above my head, holding her hands, and we went in that MRI machine together.  90 minutes together was better than 90 minutes alone.  I told her that I have always been by her side, and that we have been through so much together, that this would be no different.  We would get through it together like we've always done.  She cried a few more times, but held still enough that they only had to repeat one image capture!

Tuesday, we seemed to have a better handle on her pain, but she was already scheduled for her tumor and bone marrow biopsies, so it was going to be another day with a procedure.  Another day of anxiety. Another day of Hazel's "normal".  Since she was now on antibiotics for the possible infection, they felt safe to sedate her for this procedure.  It went smoothly, but she woke up in even more pain than before, I suspect because we aggravated the tumor and the needle pokes cause a lot of soreness, and became angry with what seemed to be the whole world.

She would say, "This is the worst thing to ever happen to me!  I hate this, I hate this!  I wish this never happened!  I just want to be a normal girl, and never have cancer.  I can't keep doing this!  Nothing is helping, and nothing is ever going to help!"

I can't even begin to describe to you the helplessness I felt in these moments.  All of the fears and frustrations I have had for her these last four years, and thankfully have been able to keep away from her, were all coming down on her at once.  The possibility of her cancer growing was becoming very real to her this last week, and there was nothing I could do or say to take that fear away, because I was fearing the same things.  All I could do was tell her that it was okay to get angry, to kick and scream, to cry and to be afraid, but that she should know we have the BEST Neuroblastoma doctor by our side, fighting with us, and we have a lot of different medicines that we could keep trying.  I promised her that I would never leave her side and that we would at least figure out how to manage this pain, it just was taking longer than we wanted it to. 

Most nights this week, Hazel has not even wanted me to sleep outside her own bed, and has been nervous when I step out, even just for a moment.  So even though I couldn't take her pain or fears away, I was glad that she felt comforted in my love and in my arms.

Wednesday, she had to have one more scan, to determine if her tumor is MIBG avid.  To Hazel, it didn't matter that it was important for us to do this so we could find the right treatment for her, it just mattered that she had to go through something else.  She was afraid of laying flat on her back, due to her pain, and didn't think she could hold still.  And if you know Hazel, once she gets stuck in a thought, it is not easy to get her out of it.  She spent almost the entirety of the two hour scan, crying, but to my amazement, still holding still enough to get all the images we needed.  We were both exhausted, frustrated and broken, but her resiliency and bravery kept me going.  I stroked her new hair growing in, and told her stories, sang her songs, and help distract and comfort her the best way that I could.

I was so nervous waiting for these results, but thankfully we got them sooner than later. The MRI showed no growth in the spine (thank GOD!), but the tumor seemed to be grabbing on the bone. However, this was not enough to be causing the kind of pain she was experiencing.  The MIBG/CT scan showed that, like her last relapse, her tumor is not MIBG avid, thus closing off one potential treatment, but that's okay, because it's not the only option.  The CT portion of the scan showed two things.  First, it showed that her tumor had not really grown that much in size since her scan on the 30th.  

This whole past week, I thought I was literally watching cancer eat my daughter alive as it was causing her so much agony.  So the fact that it hadn't grown, and hadn't spread felt like a ridiculously giant, cartoon, ACME anvil was lifted off my chest.  The pain, while awful, was not caused because the cancer was too quick for us, and it allowed me to feel safer taking some time to make decisions about her treatment moving forward.

Second, the CT showed something new. Hazel's lungs seemed to have a build up of fluid that was not present on any of the previous scans.  So, yet another CT, this time with contrast, was scheduled so we could get a better look.  It was supposed to be scheduled for Thursday, but in the middle of the night Wednesday, Hazel's oxygen levels began to drop, and we were sent down to an emergency CT at 2:00 in the morning.  The CT room that we were in was the  same room that she had her very first scan at Children's Hospital back in 2013.  And just like that first diagnosis time, Hazel has been in pain, having fevers, has been exhausted, been sweating like crazy (as you can see in the picture below) and was falling asleep during the scan.  Maybe it was the fact that I was sleep deprived, coupled with the fact that so many of her symptoms and our experiences were mirroring what we have already been through, but I felt like I was transported back in time and was living in the twilight zone.  My brain just did not know how to cope. My dreams, at this point, were feeling more real than the nightmare of a week we were living.

The CT showed that Hazel had a pleural effusion (fluid in the space around her lungs) in both lungs, but it wasn't clear what was causing it.  It could have been an infection, but the scan showed no signs of pneumonia.  It also could have been the tumor pushing into that space, making fluid leak easily.  OR it could have been that the tumor itself was growing into the lung space.  Something I don't think I shared, was that this tumor is located up between her diaphragm and lungs, wrapping itself around the aorta and growing roots that are attaching itself to everything it can.  It's grabbed onto one of her ribs and her spine, although not infiltrating them or any organs yet.  But it is in a precarious position and can cause a lot of issues if we aren't careful.  At this point, I'm calling her tumor a greedy little bugger.

Because the CT scan did not give us clear enough answers, and she spent much of Thursday needing an oxygen mask on her pillow, next to her face, she had to be sedated, once again, on Friday for another needle poke, in order to pull out the fluid to test it for infection and/or tumor cells.  While in there, the doctor decided to just remove the fluid from that lung he was testing, and ended up pulling about 200cc of fluid!  Thankfully, this seemed to help Hazel a lot because she no longer needed oxygen for the rest of Friday and all of the day Saturday.

During all of this time, Hazel's pain was still not managed, so the palliative care team was called in.  I know that "palliative care" is a scary term, but they are not only called in for patients needing end of life care but are called in for any and all patients in need of extra pain support.  My friend Melissa, another cancer mom on the floor, and who has been such an unbelievable support this last week, suggested that maybe they need a new name for when they are dealing with patients like Hazel, so as not to scare off the parents.  When I met with them, I felt for the first time that there was someone who was understanding Hazel's pain and knew exactly what needed to be done to help her.

The plan was set that Hazel was to go onto oral Methadone, instead of the continuous drip of pain medication she was receiving. Methadone is longer lasting, and does not usually have major breakthrough pain episodes, like she had been having this week.  Plus, since it was oral, if we could find the right dosing, we could eventually go home and continue treating her pain, instead of being stuck inpatient.  We slowly transitioned her over, and weaned her off the continuous IV med, leaving the pump on, if she needed to push the button for pain control. 

The first two days on Methadone were great!  I felt like we finally were ahead of her pain, and she was sleeping soundly at night, and feeling more like herself during the day, even getting up to play and be silly.  Plus, the soreness from the biopsy sites were finally fading, so I am sure that helped as well.  This is when Hazel's oncologist and I began to discuss treatment options for her tumor.  

When Hazel first relapsed, our goal was to get her on a new clinical trial, with a newly developed ALK inhibitor called Lorlatinib.  As you may remember, Hazel's cancer has a mutation of the ALK gene, which is thought to drive cancer growth.  These inhibitors target that mutation, and treat the tumor with much less toxicity than chemo and radiation.  It was the ALK inhibitor, Crizotininb, paired with two different types of chemo that finally got Hazel into remission during her last relapse.  We discontinued the chemo in July, and kept her on the inhibitor (which is a daily pill), in hopes that we could keep the cancer at bay, and give Hazel's body a chance to strengthen and be off of chemo.  However, it was on this medication that he tumor grew. 

This new ALK inhibitor, Lorlatinib, is much more promising thatn the Crizotinib, and was performing better on its own than the Crizotinib did when paired with chemo.  One article I read said that the lab results were showing "unparalleled responses" and causing mice to go into "rapid and sustained regression."  So we have a lot of hope for this trial.  However, since her rapid deterioration in just five days post her initial scan on the 30th, we were not sure that we were going to be able to make it to the start date for the trail, which is Tuesday Novemeber 14th, because it was just giving her tumor more time to wreak havoc. If we found that we did not feel it was safe to wait, we were going to push the trial back, and start high dose chemo immediately.

However, by Saturday, Hazel seemed much improved, and we both felt comfortable holding the chemo off, unless anything changed.  Dr. Marachelian also discovered what she thought was finally the answer to what was causing Hazel's pain.  She read about a phenomenon that happens with patients who's tumors only partially respond to the ALK inhibitor, Crizotinib.  It was like her tumor was a car that was driving down hill, and the inhibitor was the brakes, keeping it from growing/driving out of control.  Once the Crizotinib was discontinued on Halloween, something called a "tumor flare" occured, and it was like the brakes were lifted and the car shot down the hill at break-neck speed.

These "tumor flares" cause a lot of problems, but problems that are usually temporary. So the hope is that the fluid in her lungs will begin to disappear as the flare settles down, and that her pain will subside and she can be taken off the pain meds.  So please pray that this is the case!

(I hope you are still hanging in there, I know this update is long!  It speaks to the eternity that this week has felt like for me!)

Saturday evening, I was feeling pretty good.  Hazel's pain was controlled, I was coming off a good night's sleep from Friday night, and it looked like we could start the trial on Tuesday, and begin talking about going home!  At 9:00pm, Hazel's nurse came into the room to give her the next dose of Methadone, and I came over to her bed to wake her up, only to find that it was extremely difficult to do so.  She could open her eyes for a moment, maybe answer a question or two, and then her eyes would cross or roll back into her head, and she would be out again.  At first, I found it funny, but after a few minutes, my heart began pounding, as she was getting harder and harder to wake up.  I was shaking her, patting her face, tickling her, putting ice packs on her, and nothing was working.  I felt like I was facing the moment that we have spent the last four years fighting to avoid.

Then, the worst thing happened.  Her heart rate plummeted, and her respirations slowed so much so, that many times she even stopped breathing.  We had to rush everyone in the room, put her on oxygen and administer an emergency dose of Narcan (what they give to patients when they overdose on drugs). Narcan blocks the pain receptors in your brain, thus reversing the affect of Methadone in her system.  The team believed that the Methadone, since it is long lasting and can build up, was over sedating Hazel to the point of respiratory distress.  The Narcan did its job and woke Hazel, but she woke in a very traumatizing way.  She was screaming in pain, mostly in her head, and her heart rate skyrocketed.  She immediately needed to use the bathroom, and then began to uncontrollably shiver.  Eventually she drifted back to sleep in my arms, and continued to breathe safely the rest of the night.  Needless to say, I did not sleep very much.

My body was a mess that night, and I felt so broken.  I hadn't really had a break down all week, being in fight mode, but there was no avoiding this one.  I just fell apart.  I begged God to never let Hazel, or myself experience that again.  

They had decided to hold the Methadone dose overnight, and then restart it at a lower dose Sunday morning.  She had a wonderful Sunday.  The best I had seen her all week.  She was finally eating, albeit still very little, was laughing, dancing and playing, and said that she had zero pain.  I thought we were finally coming to the other side of the very dark tunnel we had been in.  

But then, around 5:00pm, I couldn't wake her again, and she spiraled down into the same symptoms she had the night before, not breathing, and needing a dose of the terror inducing Narcan.  And it didn't only happen once, but it happened twice.  The thing I had prayed to never experience again had now happened three times.  We both felt so overwhelmed and afraid.  Hazel didn't want me to leave her side, and asked me to sleep in her bed and hold her hand. I stayed up, constantly watching the monitor, hoping I would not see the trend begin again.  In the middle of the night, the decision was made that all Methadone would be discontinued, and she would use the pain medicine pump connected to her line until we figured out what to do for her pain.

Today however, her pain has not returned, and she has not needed to push the button once!  So our hope is that the "tumor flare" is no longer flaring, and has made the pain subside.  Either that, or there is still Methadone in her system.  We are going to watch her closely over the next few days, and if her pain returns, we will try something else.  Never again will I give her Methadone, that's for sure.

Despite having a very good, cheerful and pain free day, she spent most of it asking all of us if she would ever need "that medicine that made her head hurt" again, watched her own monitor closely and worry if she saw any sign of a dip (she is sometimes too smart for her own good), and afraid to go to sleep because "she felt like she would die if she stopped breathing again."  How do you comfort a six year old child, afraid she is going to die in her sleep, when you are fearing the same thing?  How do you help them find the rest they so desperately need?  I feel like her: It's not fair!  I wish this never happened!  She doesn't deserve this!

This should not be her "normal".  Celebrating little tumor growth should not be "normal". Being glad that she is breathing after respiratory distress from a medication meant to help her should not be "normal".  Being happy to see our hospital family because we are inpatient should not be "normal".  The fact that we survived enough days to make it to a clinical trial tomorrow, that we are hopeful about but do not know if it will work, is good news, is not "normal". Having childhood cancer should not be "normal".

As I am sure you can tell, I have really struggled through this week.  I have felt angry, terrified, bitter, exhausted, worn down, defeated and so so sad.  But I have tried to, everyday, hang onto any glimmer of hope I have for Hazel.  Hope in this new clinical trial.  Hope that her biopsy results will come back with information that will be helpful to us in her treatment.  Hopeful that God has her in the palm of His hands, and loves me despite my bitterness.  When my children are angry at me, do I turn away and abandon them? No!  I do everything I can to reconcile and to show them how much I love them.  My FATHER is no different.  Please pray that I can remember that, that I can feel that, and that I can hold onto that.


  1. I read every word with tears. My heart hurts for you. There is nothing “normal” when it comes to childhood cancer. I pray little Hazel never experiences the pain or respiratory distress like she did last week. Lord, I pray for Hazel as her little body continues to fight. 🎗🙏🏻

  2. God said, "I will never leave you or forsake you." Never means NEVER. You have more strength and love for your precious daughter than you give yourself credit for. This is a horrible,terrifying disease, and for any child to fall victim to it is catastrophic. I first started following young Hazels story when the 'send Pizza' sign was in the CHLA window. She has been on my prayer list since then. You have to live one day, hour, minute at a time. Rejoice in those happy moments, grieve in the ones that are awful. Lots of love and prayers are coming to you, Hazel, and your family, and the CHLA that cares so lovingly for precious Hazel. God can make a way when there is no way.

  3. My lord momma, you are truly a force for your child. God bless you both

  4. Dear Jesus please wrap your arms around sweet Hazel, make her pain go away. Please let her recover quickly. Watch over her mother as well give her strength.Amen. ��❤��

  5. My heart is breaking for you. I pray that this trial will be the end of this nightmare for your family. Lord, I pray for strength and comfort for Hazel as she fights through this horrible normal.

  6. Love that girl so much. Praying for her every day and sending you strength <3

  7. This so deeply saddens me. I pray for you guys everyday. I pray that Hazel can fight through this she is such a strong little girl.

  8. Hazel is always in my prayers. You too...I’m a CHLA cardiac mom. All of our love to you and your family ❤️

  9. I'm so so sorry that this is happening to your baby. Our kids go to the same school, Big Springs, and I've seen Hazel bouncing around the playground. My husband is currently hospitalized with a relapse of brain cancer and on a trial study. I was able to relate to celebrating "the norma." You're right, it's not normal and I wish cancer would just go away. I will continue to hold on to hope that this trial study will work just like you should because there WILL BE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEl. I will continue to pray for your baby.

  10. My heart aches for you, as I was once where you are........I will continue to pray for Hazel and your family, and send much love to you.

  11. I can't even find the words to express what I am feeling. I hope the writing has been somewhat cathartic for you. I've been where you are, although not with my child, but with my husband, for 11 years. Please be sure that you are caring for yourself as well as your beautiful Hazel. My thoughts and prayers are with you, Hazel, and the rest of your family.

  12. Dear heavenly Father, I ask that you wrap your arms arround Hazel and her family. Please Lord see and remove the pain that wreaks havock on this precious soul. I ask Lord you touch her with a healing hands. I praise you and gjve you all the glory in Jesus

  13. Lord! LORD! Please hear the cry of a six year old little girl. You know her heart. You know her desires. Lord! LORD! Please hear the cry of Hazel's mom. You know her heart. You know her desires. Lord! LORD! Please hear the cry of Hazel's dad. You know his heart. You know his desires. Lord! LORD! Please hear the cry of Hazel's family and friends. You know their hearts. You know their desires. Lord! LORD! Please hear our prayers. You know our hearts. You know our desires. Lord! LORD! all of us cry for the supernatural healing of Hazel. Lord! LORD! All of US cry for OUR hearts to leap in joy when the news of Hazel's healing is heard. Lord! LORD! You know our desire is for immediate, complete, without complications, sustained, healing to become the new normal. Lord! LORD!

  14. You have to be the strongest mom in the world. My heart breaks for you and Hazel. I will continue praying for Hazel and your family. God Bless you!

  15. "Don't let your heart be troubled. Believe in God. Believe also in me. In my Father's house are many homes. If it weren't so, I would have told you. I am going to prepare a place for you. If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and will receive you to myself; that where I am, you may be there also. Where I go, you know, and you know the way." John-14

  16. Praying for u sweet mama. As much as I️ want to put my arms around you, I’m imagining God is doing exactly that. Let Him take control and hold u tight. Praying for that precious little angel that HE gave life to. Praying for peace, pain relief, comfort and wisdom in these next moments of this icky normal.

  17. My heart aches for Hazel and your family. I can't even begin to imagine what you are going thru. I will continue to pray that God takes care of her and sees that she gets thru this and in remission again. You are an amazing Mom and she is an amazing child. Hold her tight and comfort her so she will feel safe. Sending love and prayers your way. XO

  18. My heart breaks for your precious baby, that she has to endure that pain and for you because I know as a mother it kills you not to be able to make her all better. You are both in my prayers and I pray the Good Lord will heal her! I know even though Raul is up in heaven, that he is still by your daughter's side, fighting with her every step of the way. That was Raul..A fighter just like your little Hazel!

  19. Please remember that He is always there with you both, always, always:

    Footprints in the Sand (anonymous)

    One night I dreamed a dream.
    As I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
    Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life.
    For each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand,
    One belonging to me and one to my Lord.

    After the last scene of my life flashed before me,
    I looked back at the footprints in the sand.
    I noticed that at many times along the path of my life,
    especially at the very lowest and saddest times,
    there was only one set of footprints.

    This really troubled me, so I asked the Lord about it.
    "Lord, you said once I decided to follow you,
    You'd walk with me all the way.
    But I noticed that during the saddest and most troublesome times of my life,
    there was only one set of footprints.
    I don't understand why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me."

    He whispered, "My precious child, I love you and will never leave you
    Never, ever, during your trials and testings.
    When you saw only one set of footprints,
    It was then that I carried you."

  20. I also read every word in this entry with tears and with my heart breaking along with yours. You are right when you say this is not fair. You are right when you question your belief in God, or trying to wonder why this is happening. You must be one of the strongest Mom's ever. The only thing any of us can offer you, I think, is knowing that so many people hurt with you, so many hearts are harboring some of your pain. And maybe, that will help ease your burden just a bit. You and Hazel and all your family are in my thoughts and prayers always, and I am so very sorry for all the pain you have all been feeling. Please know, that God understands your questioning.....and that he will be there always .

  21. I am so sorry but hang in there that she WILL het better !! We are all praying for Hazel

  22. My heart breaks for all of you and your prayer, is my prayer. Father God be with this family, comfort them and bring them peace. In Jesus name I pray, Amen. Thank you for sharing this. Sending all the love in the world, you are a wonderful mother and Hazel and your other children are blessed to have you.

  23. i am so sorry to hear this. I wrote a letter to you guys. Hang in there, i feel absolutely horrible for you. You have to fight along, i tear up reading this. You are an incredible mother. Stay strong.��-Emily

  24. My heart hurts for you both and I lift you both in prayer for healing as the first and most important...but for strength and wisdom for you. My heart is heavy when I read your writings and I know my heaviness is minor compared to what you go through daily. Thank you Father for being with Hazel and her mom. Holding them up even when they can't feel you near. Lord thank you for breathing life into them and speaking peace, comfort and healing in and over them. Thank you Father for loving them both. May your joy fill them to overflowing that they may dance in the face of this evil called cancer. Thank you for your healing God be the Glory, Honor and Praise. In Jesus name. Amen.

  25. You are an incredible mother. You and Hazel are in my prayers. I pray that your precious little girl returns to health and does not go through this agony again.

  26. God is with you.. at the time the nurse came in and you tried to wake her. It's was Him.. in the room.. over Her.. over You.. over your Doctors.
    He loves you and Hazel. God is weeping with you. Find comfort and faith in that he is right there and will never leave just like you will not leave. Praying for you and your family and this new trial to be the cure, the healing, the rest and the re assurance You need, to heal your broken self. God loves you. What a great Mother you are, stong and fearless. Bigger than Cancer is your LOVE for one anotherand your faith! I Pray for you.

  27. I have no words to express my sadness and anger that Hazel (and you) have to go through this. But my faith is strong and I continue to pray throughout the dau.. everyday for our Father to keep you and Hazel strong and guide her doctors with her treatment. I will keep you both in my heart.

  28. Lord Jesus, touch this beautiful baby. Lord lease give her the perfect health you intended for her. Lord please give her life abundant and full of joy. I love this little Hazzelnut. I pray for you every day and I cry for and with your dedicated precious Mommy Lauren. God bless you all.

  29. Praying for all of you. May our loving Father wrap you in His merciful love and unyielding glory. We ask for healing for Hazel and mercy on your family. Best of luck with the trials.

  30. I read every word, and I cant even imagian what you all have gone through. My heart breaks for you... for beautiful Hazel...This should NEVER be the norm...for anyone...for any child..
    Your strength, your love and support, and your continued relentless drive with and for Hazel's utmost comfort and care, is as important as any meds she is given...You, sweet Lauren, are the one med that keeps her on track...keeps her strong...your strength, resolve and love has taught little Hazel so be the fighter she has become.
    I go to sleep every day with strong prayers..wake in morning to thoughts and prayers and continue throughout day ...
    As a community, there are so many of us here for you all...I know this does not change what your dealing with daily...I so wish I can take it all away...
    Warm hugs and love to you, Please give Hazel
    a gentle hug and all my love...
    My love and prayers to you

  31. I am so grieved to hear of the utterly horrifying week you have had, but thankful that God has carried you and Hazel through it. Thankful that the doctors have an idea of what has been causing the pain, that the tumor hasn't grown, and that her pain seems to have subsided. Also, very encouraging that there is a new drug which will hopefully be able to help her.

    I really like a Madeleine L'Engle novel called _A Live Coal in the Sea_. In the book, it's explained that even the worst sin can still be covered by God's forgiveness as easily as the fire of a live coal can be put out by the sea. I love this metaphor and think about it frequently in the context of how even the most terrifying medical condition can't put up any fight in response to God's healing power.

  32. ALL my love and prayers to you and your Hazelnut. My brain cannot even comprehend what you must be feeling. It's like my brain cannot even go there. It's too devastating. And yet this is your reality. It is so tremendously unfair. The only thing that ever helps for me is Faith. Faith that while God cannot control such devastation, HE can guide you through it. He is there. I don't know much, but I know his love for Hazelnut is real and profound.

  33. I'm so sad to read of the horrible week you and Hazel have both had!*hugs* I hope that her trial goes well!*hugs* Sending love and healing!*hugs*

  34. I know I'm a virtual stranger to you but I first heard about Hazel when I was on the Sony triathlon team, and she was our honorary teammate. I still think of her while I'm training and racing, and she never ceases to inspire me to push myself harder. As do you. I am sending you, your family, and especially your little warrior princess all my love and prayers.

  35. Hello Hazel and family. You do mot know me, but we share the same last name. I started following Hazel's journey a while ago. What a brave superhero she is. She is definitely a Hammersley. Hammersley's are strong fighters and sometimes can be referred to as stubborn (thus the nickname Hammerhead). I would do anything in the world to help, I don't have a lot of money, but anything else I could do please let me know.

    I don't know if you know there is a company in England that makes (made) China. On the bottom of the teacups and plates is the name Hammersley. If you would like a piece of Hammersley china, I would be glad to send it to you. If you look up Hammersley china on EBay you will see a lot.

    Do you know any exciting Hammersley stories?

    Hazel, I pray for you and I believe strongly in the power of prayer. Stay strong beautiful girl. HAMMERSLEY POWER!!!!

    Becky HAMMERSLEY Wood

  36. I have no words for this news but just know we are all here for our princess and her brave mom lov and prayers

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  38. my health restore
    i am so happy to share this testimony with the world because generally there are so many doubts about the cure of hpv and cancer This is real take it serious, i am so happy that today i can give this testimony to the world and also help in savinglife of people who has been condemned for death just as i was ,who will believe that a herbs can cure hpv and cancer completely from thebody, i never believe that this will work, i have spend a lot of money getting drugs from the hospital to keep me healthy, it got to a time that all i was waiting for is death to come because i was broke and i already have strong outbreaks from the hpv, one day i was going through the internet asking questions online just to know more about the latest development in the medical sector to see if there is still hope then i stumbled on a post about about this great man called Dr. Ehiagwina through a publicly made a testimony on how she was also cured of ALS by this herbal doctor who is well known for his strong ancient herbal practice at first i doubted both the woman and the doctor just as so many that see's this post would doubt because medically it has been proven impossible but later i decided to give him a try so i emailed him I did not believe him that much, I just wanted to give him a try, he replied my mail and Needed some Information about me, then I sent them to him, he prepared a herbal medicine and sent it through Courier Service for delivery, he gave my details to the Courier Office. they told me that 3-5 days I will receive the package and after receiving it, i took the medicine as prescribed by him at the end of 13days that the medicine lasted, he told me to go to the hospital for a test, and i went, surprisingly after the test the doctor confirm me hpv negative and cancer disappear i thought it was a joke, i went to other hospitals and was also negative the doctors were speechless and i said it was a miracle, thank you sir for saving my life even if you cannot see this post i shall never stop testifying the impact you made in my life by restoring back my life when i was being stigmatized and even avoided by family and friends , I promise I will always testify of your good works. Dr. Ehiagwina contact: OR call +2348162084504 you can also add him on whatsapp.